You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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