I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
