What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
