Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
