Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
