At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
