I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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