david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
