I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize