I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize