what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
