do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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