Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
