You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
