This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
