Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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