I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
