I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
