OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
