I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
