She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
