my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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