You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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