Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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