I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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