K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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