do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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