Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
