are you still at the devil's house?
i love accidental penises.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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