I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
