My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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