I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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