so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
