I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
