I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
