Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
