I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
there is glitter all over my balls
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