Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
