I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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