You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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