My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
