dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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