Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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