when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
