I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
3 2 1 whiskey
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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