Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
