Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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