i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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