Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
