He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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