he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
