You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Need sex. Gaining weight.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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