he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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