the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
