There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
