so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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