I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
