do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
