Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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