FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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