I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
only if we run a train.
done.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
