and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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