Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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