Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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