ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
