I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
