god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
