How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
