Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
