you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are the jesus of drinking
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
