I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
