i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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