I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
