My room smells like vodka and shame
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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