Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
