When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
